When a relationship experiences infidelity of any kind, it breaks trust. Maybe you were the one to cheat on your partner, or maybe you found out they were being unfaithful behind your back. Whatever the case, there’s one thing to decide upon almost immediately—do you want the relationship to continue?

It’s not uncommon for people to end things after infidelity is discovered. However, some couples do try to make it work. It requires a rebuilding of trust, which obviously takes time. It also requires effective, open communication. Unfortunately, you might find it difficult to communicate for a while after experiencing that kind of deep hurt and betrayal or guilt. 

So, how can you improve communication after infidelity? 

Establish Ground Rules

If you and your partner decide to work on your relationship and communicate, there need to be some boundaries and rules in place. First, the cheating party must feel remorseful for what they’ve done. The last thing the other partner needs is to hear excuses or justifications. That indicates that the unfaithful person isn’t truly “sorry” about what they did and may have reason to do it again.

You should also both agree to stick to the topic at hand. Avoid things like name-calling, threats, and other put-downs that aren’t relevant to the situation. While you might have to bring up past events, don’t let them lead the conversation or cause you to become “stuck” in one way of thinking. 

Be Patient

As much as you want to move forward, you both must recognize that patience is key. You’re not going to heal your relationship with one conversation. Will it be easy to discuss infidelity more than once? Of course not. But, it’s a necessary “hurt” that will give one partner insight into why the cheating occurred and the other an opportunity to build trust.

It’s important to show transparency—not just when talking about what happened, but in every conversation in your relationship. That’s another great way to build trust and show that you aren’t keeping any harmful secrets. Even as you start to heal, be patient with yourself and your partner, and understand that it will take time and plenty of talks before things feel somewhat normal again.

Be an Active Listener

So many relationships struggle because people forget about the listening part of effective communication. Everyone wants to be heard and valued. They want their thoughts and opinions validated. Sometimes, they just want someone to lean on. If one person in a relationship isn’t practicing active listening, it can create intimacy issues, struggles with trust, and a lot of miscommunication and confusion. 

Granted, that’s no reason for someone to cheat. However, it could be one of the bigger underlying problems in your relationship. Now, more than ever, becoming an active listener is essential. That includes giving your direct attention to your partner, asking questions when you need clarification, avoiding distractions, and showing them that you’re listening with nonverbal cues. 

Seek Out Help

Trying to improve communication after infidelity isn’t easy. You’re dealing with broken trust, hurt feelings, and confusion about how to move forward in your relationship. Thankfully, you don’t have to do everything on your own. Sometimes, the best way to improve communication in your relationship is to ask for help. A counselor or therapist can serve as a neutral party to improve communication between you and your partner. They will offer a safe setting and the right skills you can use to rebuild trust, intimacy, and togetherness. 

If you’ve experienced infidelity in your relationship and you’re struggling to communicate with your partner, don’t hesitate to reach out for couples counseling. Your relationship can work, grow, and thrive with dedication and communication.